Kleptomaniac

My younger kitty is a notorious klepto. Earrings and quarters are his specialty.

S is a klepto, too. Or maybe that’s not the right word. She doesn’t steal–she relocates. Every time you open a drawer, you just have to accept that there will be things there that you don’t expect. Normally these are not edible things, which is a good thing. Edible things don’t do well in drawers.

Tonight, my mom mailed me two DVDs that I haven’t been able to find but that I know she loves–the jump-arounds. I took them in from the car when I brought her home from day care. I set them on the counter and then made dinner. She played around while I did that. After dinner, I told her that I had a surprise. But I didn’t. Gone.

An hour later: one was located in a kitchen drawer, and one shoved behind the cat food.

Older kitty is the only soul that I can count on in this house.

Bad

I am currently working on being a bad employee and a bad mom.

And I am unrepentent. (The maternity leave is docked from my banked sick days and day care is the same price for a full and a half day.)

I only worked two half days this week. Next week it’s two full days, etc. etc.

But I didn’t pick S up from day care.

I’m home. I am clearing out clutter, reorganizing closets and doing laundry.

Because I need room for her. And I can’t do these things while she’s home.

I plan on doing the same thing next Monday afternoon. That’s the afternoon I’ve set aside for organizing all of her paperwork–SSN, receipts, medical stuff.

And then I’ll resume being a better mom and employee.

With clean clothes.

And a lot less junk around to interrupt the legos car trains.

Cats are campaigning for yet another afternoon of poor behavior in order to give them the attention they deserve.

I think they may have to wait.

I am Presbyterian after all. I can only stand a guilty conscience for so long.

Words

S’s vocabulary is just growing and growing.  She still prefers to just grunt and point when it’s the two of us at home, but when we’re out and about, especially when we’re in the car, she chatters away.  She’s said a couple of sentency things lately.  She asked the day care teacher, “mommy coming soon?” and regularly looks for stuff saying “where did it go?”  I know the “where did it go” is a mimic, but she seems to know what it means. Body parts and animals are coming along really well.She’s way into circles now, too.  Colors, however, elude her.

Colors are over-rated.

 

The rules

These are the rules in our house, as reported by S:

1. no hitting

2. no pushing buttons (on electronics)

3. no caca in the tub.

the third rule is new.

Fishies

We went to the aquarium today.  It was a gamble. I know she’s fascinated with fish on Elmo’s World, but still, would she be into them up close and personal?

Oh my goodness. She was enthralled.

We did the outdoor stuff first–it was chilly, and I feared that if we went inside first, she’d be too cold and I really wanted her to see the penguins.  We saw the penguins and the beluga whale–she liked both.

But oh, when we went inside. I’ve never seen anything like it. This kid was absolutely enchanted by the fish. She raced from tank to tank, and, though she was communicating only by pointing and squealing, I could tell she loved the different colors, shapes, and sizes. She was in such a zone.

It was fun watching her fall in love.

We bought a membership. We’ll be back.

One Month

I brought her home one month ago today.

So far she’s learned:

• words–lots of words–most of her body parts (though arms still stump her), lots and lots of animals, many phrases (this one?, i like it, go home, our car, our house, no kitty, get down, thank you, good girl, snuggly time)
• songs. I didn’t realize it until yesterday, but she has learned the tunes and a variation on the words of nearly all of my lullabye repertoire.  The musician in me is really excited that she seems to have a good sense of rhythm and at least follows the up and down of the melodies….very good for a three year old.
• some safety rules–”hot,” “sharp,” “hold hands”
• how to live in the same house as the cats
• how to operate entirely too many electrical devices (this is not something I wanted her to learn)
• how to use a slide (terrified her the first time, and now she loves it) and what swings are for
• tons of new foods. She likes most of them, too.

I  have learned:

• how to do a lot of things one-handed.
• how to distract about fifty percent of potential melt-downs.
• how to sit out and tantrum and when to not sit it out but just hold her tight.
• how to find the subtle humor in Elmo’s World.
• how to get her to sleep. how to usually get her back to sleep.
• how to use a forehead thermometer (I still can’t get a good reading off the ear thermometer, though.)
• how to allot time. One thing I’m kind of proud of is that we don’t rush a lot.
• how to get ready for a day out with the assistance of a 3 year old.
• that if you don’t check the toy-box for stray sippy cups, you might find a chocolate milk cup. three weeks later.

I’m not a perfect mother. I’m not even a good mother. But I love her to the moon and back, and I keep trying.  I hope that these two things will carry us for many more months.

What Went Well and What Didn’t

Okay, so I’m going to try to do some catching up–not that my readers are demanding it. Both of you seem quite content. But there’s stuff I don’t want to forget.

So, in the off chance that I can financially swing doing this ever again, here’s what I did well, and what I’d do differently next time with regards to preparation:

What I’d Change/Wish I’d Done:

• spend time with more toddler families to figure out how to prep my house better. I’ve spent a lot of time frustrated with things I should have thought to toddler proof, and not having space for everything that I suddenly use every day. I also should have put some of my furniture in storage. We are so cramped here, and toddlers need room to roam.
• gotten the car serviced before I left.
• Done more of a general spring cleaning to create space in all corners of the apartment (I worked hard to create space in her room, and kind of forgot that she’d need space/storage in every room.)
• collected addresses for adoption announcements. It was just dumb to be calling and emailing around looking for these while she was home.

What I did well:

• I packed well. I really didn’t forget anything (oh, well, I wish I’d brought a few more toys for her), and I only came home with 2 articles of clothing that weren’t needed. If you are a PAP, I have a spreadsheet packing list that I’d share. I’m such a dork.
• I did a smart job of stocking up on things that could be stocked up on (toilet paper, laundry soap, cat litter, etc.) that is really going to hold me for quite a while–one less thing to worry about.
• I did a smart job of doing all of my doctor’s appointments and the vet appointments for both cats before leaving. I’m grateful that I don’t need to figure out how to manage those things.
• I was very happy with my travel arrangements–good travel agent, great flights, good guest house, good arrangements for pick-up and drop-off. Everything went as well as could be hoped for.
• I feel like I read enough ahead of time to be prepared for ET, for toddlers, for international adoption issues, but not so much that I became boring. My friends may disagree on that last issue.

After all this, I found out on Friday that Obama finally signed the bill that bans HIV+ immigration.  I have had rotten timing through this whole process. First they start the TB testing just in time for S to have to endure 3 days of invasive testing and waiting 9 weeks for results—they lift the requirement WHILE we were in ET! Then, the ban on travel is lifted–after YEARS of advocacy–4 weeks after we get home.

You know what, though, in some ways I’m grateful that we had to stay in ET for 2 weeks. I know that it was hard for Alex, and it was stressful not to know when we were going to get to return, but I really feel like spending that time–about 10 days–with her in ET really helped set us up as a family.  We created some little patterns and rituals and songs that started in ET where all the sounds and smells and sights were familiar, and we’re able to continue those here. She also kept hearing that I was her mama from Ethiopians while in Ethiopia–I think that helped. I don’t know, if I ever get to adopt again, I may stay more than the minimum for these reasons–though at least I’d know WHEN it would be over!

 

Where

do these sudden bursts of sobbing come from? I wish I knew. One minute we’re tickling on the couch, and then she’s sobbing, and then she wants to tickle again.

Ah, little mystery girl, I do love you.

SKO’s single parenting of an internationally adopted toddler advice

So, I’ve been doing this for what, 6 weeks, if you count the time spent in Africa?  I figure everyone out there wants my advice, right?  Seriously, I know of a few PAPs who are reading. Here’s what I consider indispensible so far:

• Bed Bugz.  The downside: pricey and only one comes to a package. The upsides: I can climb over it to get in bed with her,  they don’t feel like you’re in jail, no worries about getting her head/hand caught, make the twin bed smaller–feels more like the toddler bed she’s used to, and she doesn’t fall out of the bed!
• PeaPod. Oh my gosh, I so could not do it without PeaPod. I love having my groceries delivered. I don’t have to maneuver S in and out of stores, I don’t have to carry the groceries 18 blocks because I can’t find parking, and truth be told, I buy a lot fewer treats this way!
• Little DVD player.  I had thought she’d watch DVDs on the big TV or my laptop. After she reprogrammed my DVD player (it took 4 adults to reset everything), I don’t let her near it unchaperoned. And she’s not running my laptop. So I bought a very cheap (50 bucks) portable DVD player. We have a strict “no pushing buttons” rule, but even when she violates it (inevitible but hasn’t happened so far), there are only 4 buttons–the worst she can do is stop the DVD.
• Elmo’s World DVDs. The DVD player and Elmo’s World buy me a shower every day.  I close the baby gate so the two of us are trapped in the back part of the apartment, put on Elmo’s world and shower away.  It’s the only movie/TV that she watches all day and it is totally worth it.
• Pinch pots .  I don’t have these exact ones, but I have a cheap plastic set from Target.  I mix powdered meds with applesauce and she’ll eat it in the little pinch pots, but not any other way.  I also use them for “no thank you” helpings–trying a new food. Last, I use them for ketchup for dipping. For some reason, anything in a pinch pot works with her.
• Tote bags: I have 3—a)the “waiting” bag with toys, crayons, a few first aid/meds items–I keep it in the car for Dr.’s waiting rooms and restaurants. b) the “outing” bag–this has all of the above, plus the portable potty seat, hat, mittens, change of clothes, and (new!) the “hospital” bag with copies of medical records, toys and crayons, and a change of clothes and toothbrush for each of us.
• the internet. Without the internet, I’d be a lunatic. I need adults. Since I don’t have them in my house, I have them on the internet.

 

all’s well that ends

So yesterday I met with the PID (pediatric infectious diseases).  Actually I met with a bunch of people–PID, nurse practitioner, med student and social worker. The good news is that the nurse practitioner had been in phone conversation with my pedi and at the end of the conversation my pedi had agreed to sign the form. Now she hasn’t called me yet with that information, but the NP at the PID office said that if she changes her mind, SHE will sign the form.

Bad news?  They want her on ARVs sooner rather than later. I was hoping to wait until she was at least 5, but apparently, her numbers are bad.  They took a blood test to see if she’s already immune to any of the available drugs. Boo.

She’s back at Day Care for one more practice day before I go back to work half time next week.  I’m cleaning out a closet. Kids’ stuff takes a LOT of room! I have a small closet full of travel stuff–suitcases, packing bags, sample sizes of everything. I’m clearing it out (I won’t be traveling so much anymore) to make room for outdoor stuff.  I hope I can squish it all in somewhere else.